presents
with the support of
cast
a film by
JUST SEX AND NOTHING ELSE
written by
music
director of photography
directed by
Move over, honey!
Hey, move!
What?
Come on, you're in the way.
Sorry.
Hi!
Don't you recognize me?
It's me, Máramarosi from high school!
- Hi. - Hello.
- You are... - I work here. And you?
I don't... work here. I'm a script editor at a theatre.
- Great! - Yea.
- Are you getting married? - No, no.
A friend of mine asked me to pick something out for her. Got to run.
I thought so. At our age you're a reject if you're not married.
It's 12 more weeks to go.
- Congratulations. - It's going to be the third one.
My husband wants a dozen of them. How about you?
- Me? - How many kids do you have? - Oh, five.
Seriously? That's fantastic! Boys?
- Girls? - Three boys, three girls.
Didn't you say you have five kids?
Oh well, I have to go home and make a headcount.
Well, well, hey!
Could you give us a hand, lady?
According to the agreement,
the defendant cannot submit any claim...
The lady has come to see me, Magdika.
We are done for today, you can leave.
Thank you.
Goodbye.
- You didn't tell me you weren't alone. - When could I've done that?
- We always meet in your office. - I wanted to meet at your place.
- Why always my place? - They're fixing up my apartment.
Everything is a mess.
Don't, my father used to kiss me on my forehead.
Understood. No kiss on the forehead.
How about a kiss on the back?
Allowed.
Kiss on hips?
Kiss on belly? And this comes off.
Wait, wait!
- Let's just talk a little first. - That will cost you.
- Alright, how much? - Twenty grand per hour plus VAT.
Ripoff! And what's the VAT for?
- Very Aroused Tax. - Very funny.
Very serious.
- Do you like children at all? - I'm not a pedophile.
- I know it's against the law. - Can we talk seriously for once?
I'm very serious.
Happy birthday, sweetie.
What's this?!
They only had this with Mickey Mouse on it.
What's the matter?
- I'm thirty two years old. - Sweetheart, you know I adore you!
Look, I've got something else, too.
I knew it, I knew it!
I love you!
Without you I'm like a fallow field,
a forest without leaves, empty and sad.
You mean it?
Shit!
I'll see who it is. Just stay here.
- You have to leave! - Why?
A client Very important.
- Now? - I completely forgot about him.
Shall I fly out the window?
Not a bad idea.
- Are you crazy? - It won't be long. -András!
- Just a minute. - András!
Oh, baby, jump! I'll catch you.
I'm driving. I'm on the highway.
Can't you hear the traffic?
You are overdressed!
No, you can't call me now.
Get down! Get down!
I'll give you a call, okay?
Wait, my mobile is about to die.
Hello.
- Can you tell me what is so funny? - It looks like I'm overdressed.
Get down!
The door is shut.
Mine isn't.
Shall I climb over?
I wouldn't mind, or they'll never finish the pavement.
Alright, but stop staring.
Careful, careful!
Do you need help?
- Could you give me a hand? - But then I'll have to look.
- I'd appreciate if you didn't say anything. - I'm at a loss for words.
Lucky son of a bitch!
Isn't that the guy from the commercial?
- Welcome. - Could you give me something to put on?
Turn away first.
- Thanks. The lawyer will return it. - Is that how you see your lawyer?
- Of course not. Something came up. - His wife, I guess.
- I want my clothes! - Don't make a scene!
- I want my clothes! - András, who is it?
No idea... A Jehovah's witness.
Again?!
Jehovah's witness, huh? Just come inside.
Hey guys, the show ain't over.
What's going on here?
Come back I'll cheer you up!
Hatred is a little death.
Anger kills the mind.
I respect myself,
I love others...
I love others.
What's happening with the text? I'd like to read what
I have to direct before the premiere. Get your act together.
It's me, Paskó.
- Good morning. - You're late Miss Dóra.
They're all on the main stage. Don't you have an alarm clock?
- What time zone do you live in, honey? - Sorry.
Dóra Sárffy, our dramaturge. Péter Markovics, composer.
And Tamás Szatmári will play Valmont.
- Tamás Szatmári. - Dóra Sárffy.
We have met.
Oh yeah? Where?
We worked together on the balcony scene.
You've been here for two weeks and you already screwed my editor?
Excuse me.
- Your coffee. - Thanks.
I've brought one for you, too.
Miss Keresztesi hasn't arrived yet.
Wrong!
Dangerous Liaisons. If you've seen the film, forget about it.
- This will be much better. - Rehearsal!
Do I always have to wait for you?
"I deserve to suffer. "
"I know I've made a fatal mistake and you'll never forgive me,
but please believe me I have always, always loved only you. "
Who the hell did the adaptation?
Why?
It's awful. It turns Valmont into a sentimental idiot.
- He is an idiot who wants to screw every woman. -And he does, too.
By the way, his name is pronounced "Valmon", no T.
It's French.
Standard procedure: we rehearse first, then we trash the text.
Sorry.
- He's not an idiot. - I said, we rehearse first.
"Without you I am like a fallow field,
a forest without leaves... "
- Some people do talk like that. - But who would believe it?
That's it!
Valmont is an idiot, Madame Tourvel is a spinster but they still screw.
That's love. Then they die - that's drama. Let's just continue.
- I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone what happened. - Okay.
And stop reminding me too.
Okay.
And stop looking at me like that. Just forget about the whole thing!
I'm trying but you stood in my living room in your panties, didn't you?
- Enjoy. - Thanks. Happy birthday.
Jesus!
She eats like a horse and doesn't gain weight.
She must be bulimic.
Did you see the little bitch? She's already hooked him.
Good for him.
He's got a great ass.
- Didn't you see the commercial? - What commercial?
He is stark naked in it. Has a cute tattoo.
You mean he flashes his ass and Paskó brings him here?
Where did he find him anyway?
In Debrecen. He was the local superstar.
He screwed the director's wife and had to go.
Why am I not surprised?
If I were that handsome, I would screw everybody, too.
- You screw everyone as it is. - By the way,
I need your burgundy lace dress. I've got a date with Makai.
- The TV guy? Isn't he married? - A little bit.
- Enjoy your lunch, ladies. - Thank you.
Aren't they sweet? After 30 years they still adore each other.
He's a deviation from the species. The rest is like Szatmári.
- He would have sex with a fly... - Flies? I wouldn't go that far!
Perhaps a sexy little goat. But flies?!
Let me have a brandy.
Listen! "Without you I'm like a fallow field
a forest without leaves. "
Really?
Wow, man!
- Hi Ali! - Dóra!
I thought you forgot me.
- I was on a diet. - Hungarian women very strange.
Always diet. But why? Who cares about a toothpick in skirt?
Guys. It doesn't matter any more.
- Let me have this... and this. - What you mean it doesn't matter?
Dóra whistle and Ali fly.
Thanks, Ali, I'd just rather have something to eat.
That one too.
Dóra, I bring delicious zucchini,
cauliflower in yoghurt.
You want taste?
Delicious. I'll just have the cake.
Right away.
- Here. - How much?
Present from me.
The boss don't see, alright?
Thanks!
How much?! Then I don't want a priest!
I'm not paying a fortune.
I don't give a shit about it. About your mother, either!
Look, a miracle.
Sárffy, wait. Get me Markovics, I want to go over the music.
Oh, and that bullshit about the field and the forest is out.
- Why? - Because I say so.
- My opinion doesn't count here? - No.
Stop. Take this and you get one of these.
Here, this is yours.
- Wedding? Again? You want to set a Guinness world record? - Fuck you!
I don't mean you, honey. Though now that I think about it...
Yours.
If you touch the dialogue again...
- What are you doing here? - Waiting for Tamás.
- Paskó is looking for you. He wants to go over the score. - I'm busy.
Have you arrested yourself?
Didn't think I wouldn't be able to open it.
- Can I help? - I would appreciate it.
What you played last time was beautiful.
I love the way you play.
Your last album was great.
Too bad I'll have to play with one hand.
The key must be here somewhere.
Am I interrupting something?
- No... but... - There is a little problem.
If you need a whip, it's right next to the testicle ring.
Could you tell me what you cut from the text?
- It read like the weather report. - I've put a lot of work into this.
If you have a problem, ask me.
- I have. - No you haven't. You trashed it. - Same thing.
Could you help?
Are you sure you don't want to give him a good beating?
Here's your shirt.
- Zsófi! - Come in.
- What are you doing here? - It's the sweating lotus position.
Your orgasm will be three times as long.
- But not right now... - No. But it hurts.
Here.
Thank you. I adore you!
- How long can I have it? - It's yours. And these, too.
- And how do you hope to meet a guy? Wearing sweatpants? - I don't.
I'll do fine by myself. They're all jerks.
Honey, if all the women were waiting for a normal guy,
the human race would long be extinct.
Look at Makai! We also had a bad start.
We spent all last weekend together.
Did I tell you he's taking me to Mauritius?
- By the way, you have a date next week. - Leave me alone!
Makai has a friend. Businessman. Divorced and drives a Jaguar.
- I don't care. - Twins.
- I don't care about group sex either. - I meant he's Gemini.
I don't want to date.
Your business.
How do you like it?
- You look like a whore. - Perfect.
- Don't drink that! - What is it?
- Jesus! It's pesticide. - Why did you put it in here?
I added some water to it.
Listen!
I want to have a child.
You are kidding, right?
And with whom?
Nobody.
I've been looking for ten years
and all I found was lying, cheating sex maniacs.
Why didn't you have a child with that French guy? What was his name?
- Pierre. - He wanted one, didn't he?
He did, but he forgot to stay in the country.
And that cute sculptor?
He was a painter.
He skipped screwing his model only when he painted a still life.
Well, a guy is still needed.
In the worst case I can go to a sperm bank.
That's very romantic. And when is that worst case?
Tomorrow.
The procedure is very simple.
After an isolation period of 3-5 days,
the sperm is extracted and placed in a sterile plastic container.
Then it is stored in liquid nitrogen
at -196 Celsius. Let me point out that we only work with
athletic intellectuals and intellectual athletes.
Excuse me, where is the exit?
You're in the wrong place, but you can go out this way.
Turn right past the donor section.
- Thank you. - Not at all.
- Man, that's all I need now. - Why did you do it?
For the money, that's why.
You must have made a lot of money. I wish someone paid me for my ass.
- Bury the thought. - Nah, forget it.
- Are your mothers fine? - Shall we try to take it down?
Are you kidding? I'm going to use this on the flyer.
- Alright. - No, don't!
- Hi everybody. - Good morning, darling.
- We are rehearsing... - Act ll Scene 3.
- Here's our posterboy! - Drag your famous ass on the stage.
- Hi. - Hi.
What's going on? A tea party? Let's get going!
Dóra, listen. The maid has a lot more dialogue in the novel.
But you're not playing the novel.
There is a cool monologue, can I do it?
Sure. In your bathroom. Rehearsal! Act ll Scene 3.
Tamás, I don't want any of that macho bullshit today.
"Listen to me!
I love you.
You cannot even imagine how much.
I want you to be happy,
- very happy. " - Tomi!
"I want you to be happy, very happy"
Don't drone on, okay? Vary it!
"Shed a few tears for me, but not too many. "
- "Don't!" - "Why does it alarm you that I could make you happy?"
No!
I want to see that you crave her.
There is no one else in the world only her, her, her!
- With these lines I can't. - Fuck the lines! This is love!
- It has to show even if you speak Uzbek. - From the top?
No, from behind.
"Listen to me! I love you. "
Whose idea was it to bring this wild boar here?
Yours.
The stupid ass that I am.
"I deserve to suffer, I know I've made a fatal mistake.
But believe me, I have always, always loved you. "
Dóra,
do something with these lines. Leave me alone!
- I'm in deep shit. - But not because of your lines.
- Your acting is shit. - Telling it straight, huh?
Try not to focus just on Valmont's dick.
Hear that? All that practice for nothing!
Don't you want to comfort him?
I'm sorry! Dóra! Wait!
I'm sorry, I was a jerk.
No kidding.
The lines could still be changed.
You look stupid, do you know that?
I feel stupid, too.
I can't go back to Debrecen. If I don't get a contract...
Tough luck.
Alright, what am I doing wrong?
Valmont is only interesting if he has feelings.
He does! He feels like screwing Madame Tourvel.
First. But then he falls in love.
But he could still act like a man.
Fuck!
- Is this what you call manly? - Shit! Stupid pins.
Listen! No one talks like Valmont.
- Bye. - How would you say this:
Listen to me! I love you! You cannot imagine how much.
I want you to be happy, very happy.
- Shed a few tears, but not too many. -Tickets, passes, please!
- Fuck off! - You're not going to get away.
Leave me alone, man, I use a carriage.
- Hey, was that you in that ad, with the naked butt? - It's my brother.
- Dóra, wait! - Alright, let's go!
Dóra, wait! I'm not going back to Debrecen, you hear? Let me go!
Just keep walking. Pull yourself together.
- Look in the mirror, you moron. - Who? Who are you talking about?
Makai is such a bastard.
I found out he still lives with his wife.
And now he is in Mauritius with a third woman.
Excuse me, may I get an autograph?
- Sure. What's your name? - Lajos.
You know what?
I'll give you two tickets to the premiere. Bring your girlfriend.
I don't have a girlfriend.
- Even better. - Thanks!
Why is it that all normal guys are taken?
Do you know who called me? Simon, the alpinist.
The one who vanished with your half a million?
- I hope you didn't speak with him. - He was super nice.
Did you sleep with him?
- He brought me flowers. - You're out of your mind.
Because of this stupid ad everyone's been up in arms about my ass.
I can't go out to meet women any more.
You don't have to screw every woman you come across.
- Why? - Isn't it better
if you needn't ask the woman's name in the morning?
I don't ask. I just call all of them "cutie".
Well it's still better to say "Good morning, Dóra"
- than "cutie", no? - Dóra?!
Dóra, Kati, éva...
- That Dóra? - Which Dóra?
- The dramaturge chick. - She's Dóra?
- Isn't she Dóra? - Yeah, Dóra
- Well, then that one. - I didn't mean her.
She'd be alright if she didn't act like a drill sergeant.
Well, go for her!
Me? It's you who haven't had a girlfriend in four years.
I manage.
- Yeah. Hands-on management. - What are you? My libido manager?
You'll let me know when you turn gay, right?
Sure. You'll be the first one I'll lust after.
- Your cute tattooed ass. - Get off my back.
Cutie.
I envy you. All you want is a sperm donor.
If it were that easy I'd be pregnant by now.
- Pick the first guy who has no herpes. - What shall I tell him?
Hi, my name is Dóra and I want to get pregnant.
You suck in your stomach, push out your tits and talk silly. That's it.
Right now?
Wait too long and you'll skip a phase and become grandma.
Thanks.
Dostoyevsky in bright sunshine?
My mother used to like vanilla too.
- Used to? - She is in an asylum.
I'm sorry.
Could be worse. My sister hung herself.
- Jesus! Recently? - A year after my dad did.
Runs in the family.
Don't you ever think about death?
Next time I listen to you, hit me.
Why don't you use the personals? I heard they work pretty well.
I'm not that desperate.
Said to be attractive...
Attractive.
Sex goddess
looking for partner with negative AIDS test. Just sex and nothing else.
What are you doing here?
Me? Nothing.
You don't dig the guy either, huh?
Can you help?
This is not going to work.
Yes it will.
MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
Super!
- That's it for now. At the end it's the same refrain? - Beautiful...
It's good, but a little pale.
Pale?! I almost cried.
- Because you are nearing menopause. - Please...
- Not you. Speed it up a bit. - I'll try.
What if you brought back the part that starts soft then picks up?
This one?
No, this...
- This sound came out of you? - Did you study singing?
I know which one. This?
Yeah, that's it!
- You recognized it? - It was okay.
- It reminded me of Kurtág. - Don't you have to rehearse?
- Do you have singing gigs? - Sing something so we can have a laugh.
You know when you'll hear me sing next? When I'll serenade you.
- Here's that monologue, take a look! - No.
Let's start the rehearsal.
I don't want anybody using a script. Margitka!
- I'm right here. - Good, let's get going.
Ms. Keresztesi hasn't arrived yet.
- Did you call her? - She doesn't answer.
Shall I read her lines?
- Sárffy, get your butt on the stage. - Me?
Yes, you! Valmont is sitting, Mme Tourvel is on her knees.
For heaven's sake, Valmont. Don't do anything crazy.
Valmon. The T is silent.
It's French.
For heaven's sake, Valmont. Don't do anything crazy.
Too late. Your decision has ripened mine too.
What is it?
The only way to free myself from your suffering.
What do you mean?
Listen to me!
I love you.
You cannot even imagine how much.
I want you to be happy,
very happy.
That's it! Sensational!
I knew you had it in you!
Hey, where are you running? Now comes the sex scene.
Are you mad at me? Why? Valmont is not allowed to kiss Mme Tourvel?
- He is. - And me?
You're unable to act like an adult.
Why do chicks go nuts when they approach forty?
- What do you mean, forty?! - Why? How old are you?
- Why? How long is your dick? - One foot.
And I'm 20 years old.
Hello.
Looking for Zsófi?
I'm Charlie.
Glad to meet you.
Shit.
What's happening?
We got a little drunk.
- Not a little. - Who is the Chippendale boy?
Could you ask him his name, where we met and what it was like with him?
I'm splitting.
I'll call you.
He didn't even ask for my number!
How was the rehearsal?
- Paskó will kill you. - I know.
- He is right. - I know.
I subbed for you.
That bastard Szatmári kissed me in front of everyone.
Lucky you!
Yeah, if you want to be chewed up and spat out.
As long as I'm in his mouth.
- You'll wear this tomorrow. - If I wear this
they'll rape me in the restaurant. Are you sure this is a good idea?
Sure thing.
You take home the one you like, drain him and never see him again.
I hope I'll meet at least one who's acceptable.
I ovulate from the 19th to the 21st.
I have three more days.
If I twirl my hair like this, call me on my mobile right away.
I'm so excited!
You're not running away!
I actually get along with my wife quite well.
But after ten years one needs a little variety.
Sure.
Here are things one can't do at home.
- Like what? - I want to change your diapers.
We'll use baby cream, you wear a bib, then we switch and you nurse me.
Hello! Yes?
You dance with him a little then you two go upstairs...
There's nothing wrong with women...
a good thrashing to know where it's at.
Open your heart to the Lord! Don't be afraid!
I just got out. Let's go and do it.
Sandwich?
Just hit me and call me your slave! Whip me hard!
After the surgery it will work like the real thing.
"Just sex and nothing else"?
Yes.
- I'm Krisztián. - Sit.
- I thought you were blond. - Not on my head.
Dórika?
Tivadar, what are you doing here?
Are you the "sex goddess"?
Believe me, I didn't expect to meet you here, either.
Well, after all
I've always liked you.
No, you misunderstand.
You take this home to Margit and let's just forget about it.
Dóra!
Agyro, please.
Dóra sit, Ali bring it.
Thank you.
It's beautiful.
When do we go on date?
- Tell me, Ali, how old are you? - Twenty seven.
And everybody in your family has your beautiful eyes?
I have eight brothers and sisters. All beautiful eyes.
Tell me, Ali...
- Do you like me? - Very.
And
would you like to...
you know.
- Very. - But it's not just sex.
- Ali is alright. - I want to have a child.
Ali love children. But I go back to Turkey.
No problem. The child will be mine. I don't need a father.
Ali good father. I will be famous, Guinness Book of Records.
- What record? - I stuff twenty in one minute.
Pita.
But I still don't need a father. Just sex.
Hungarian women very strange.
Dóra lives here.
- Do you have time today? - No, no.
I have to help boss to pack, then I go to Turkey.
I'm back in two weeks.
- But I ovulate now. - Ali doesn't need eggs.
Sorry.
- Traitor! - You should thank me.
- All night he talked about his wife, crying in my lap. - You deserve it.
- You have no idea what she's really like. - No kidding.
She acts like a pussycat, comes and goes. I could tell you stories.
Coffee, please.
Hey, Dóra, I'd have never thought this.
What?
- Son of a bitch! - But Dórika...
- Why did you have to tell them? - Dórika, are you crazy?
I may advertise in the personals but at least I'm single.
I don't know what you're talking about.
About the perfect gentleman looking for naughty fun.
Are you sleeping together?
Margit! It's not that kind of fun...
- Why do you have to mess up everything? - Wait!
He talked about New Year's Eve when you sang into a toilet brush.
Yeah, really!
Really.
Really?
Can you take this?
Where are you going?
At her age I can understand that she takes out a personal.
- Get in! I'll take you home. - Leave me alone!
- You'll be drenched. - No kidding! Anything else?
You're not wearing a bra.
I don't live here.
I said I would drive you home. I didn't say to your home.
- Would you like some wine? - Yes.
Is this Miles Davis?
Yes. I once performed with him in New York.
How was it?
It made me realize how bad I am.
Shit! It always happens.
I know how to make it disappear.
That's coffee, and that is ice cream. Sour cherry,
ink, and my favorite...
Tomato paste.
Don't ask.
- Listen, that sex ad... - You don't have to talk about it.
But it's so embarrassing.
Poor Margit.
I screwed up a thirty-year marriage in a second.
Chill out. You can go on worrying tomorrow.
- I just don't want you to think I'm a nymphomaniac. - You're not?
Damn!
Is this your wife?
- She was. - I read about the accident.
A drunk driver thought it might be fun to drive in the wrong lane.
Nothing has changed here in four years.
- Tamás says it's sick. - Tamás is sick.
I thought you two...
We aren't.
I do fine by myself.
A little more wine?
- So, how was it with Markovics? - Nothing.
Jesus! What else do you need to get plugged?
He's been mourning his wife for four years.
How could I tell him: Get me pregnant and get lost.
Four years?
- Wow, he must be starved for sex. - I don't get it.
All I need is an irresponsible, insensitive guy
who knocks me up and leaves me. Is that such a big wish?
I don't know, honey, you want too much.
I can't believe I'm unable to find someone who...
I'll hang up.
What are you doing here?
What was that?!
I have this habit of kissing unappealing people...
Yeah, me too.
Listen, this is just sex and nothing else!
Fine. Can I smoke a cigi afterwards?
We don't know each other outside of the bed.
Good, good.
- And you can't tell anyone. - That's going to be tough.
Where are you going?
Home.
The hell you are.
We made a deal, remember?
And if I promise I won't marry you tomorrow?
Sleep well.
Now...
- You want to wear this on stage? - Oh, it's just a symbol.
A symbol for what? The mating season?
- Shall I put on something? - Don't you dare!
How could I hope
that of all the quivering female hearts
would notice me, little Emilie.
Oh, dear Valmont, you are amazing. Making my poor Dutchman drunk.
What is that?
- There's a monologue in the novel. - You said she couldn't do it.
Naughty man.
- She convinced me. - I thought you're getting married.
Honey, spit out that chewing gum
and show some life, okay?
Alright, but what is my motivation here?
Your motivation?
You want Valmont to fuck you hard.
Is that enough for motivation?
Oh, dear Valmont...
you are amazing.
This thing with Simon might get serious.
What I dig about alpinists is that they never run out of breath.
- What's the matter with you? - Nothing.
Ali!
Dóra!
Don't worry. You little tired but Ali ready.
- I thought you left. - Dóra need Ali, so Ali stay.
I'm sorry, Ali, but I've found someone else.
- Better than Ali? - Not at all.
Things have changed.
I'm ready.
- Hungarian women like this. - It's okay, Mrs. Szabó. It's me.
No looking lady. Ali no peepshow.
- I'm sorry, Ali. - But I've got
pita, the heel cut off the way Dóra likes.
Ali is an angel.
Angel, angel, but I have to go home.
No worry.
Ali doing fine.
Stairs also fine.
- What are you doing here? - Good evening. I saw your ad.
Do you know what time it is? How do you know where I live?
- An important question won't let me sleep. - What is it?
You said, just sex and nothing else, right?
But you never specified how much.
Just once, that's it.
It's almost midnight anyway.
Midnight is a very...
special time.
I hate when someone bursts in on me.
Wait! What's today's date?
The 21 st, for another half hour.
Alright.
Stop staring.
- I'm ugly in the morning. - You are stupid in the morning.
- Stupid and ugly. - Good.
- Watch out, the handle is broken. - What's this sticky stuff?
Chewing gum. I had no glue at home.
- I thought I was out of food. - You weren't.
This is leftover cheese from 20 years ago.
And this jam doesn't look bad.
That's my wax.
Wax?
You need waxing?
This much wax won't do. We need a lawnmower here.
Well, what are we doing today?
You mean, together?
- Shouldn't we start the day with a song? - Leave me alone!
Look, this is not going to work.
Alright, let's go see a movie. Nothing intellectual.
I watch the action and you read the subtitles.
This is it for me, I told you in advance.
I've got it, just sex. But between two rounds couldn't we have a break?
We both want something else.
Yes, I want you and you want me.
Good line. How many women did you use it with?
Come on, let's not start it.
Shall I put it in writing that I'll love you?
That's what I was talking about.
You've made up your mind that I'm a bastard, right?
- What do you know about me? - I know that you're going to hurt me.
Well, I had other plans for today.
I could cook lunch, see a film then I'll eat ice cream from your belly.
Today, yes. Maybe tomorrow or the next week. And then?
- I'm no psychic. - And I'm no guinea pig.
Listen, kids!
Shut up everybody!
- Thanks for coming. - Thank you for inviting us.
I swear, this is the happiest day of my life.
Isn't she gorgeous? Look at this!
The nation's best ass. And it's mine!
Enjoy the party. We'll retire for a while.
Have you seen the offering?
What's going on with the alpinist?
That bastard quit on me again.
- But you didn't give him any money, right? - No.
Look at me!
He helped himself. Took my TV.
What can I bring you, ladies?
A Martini, please.
- A whole bottle. - Yes, madam.
Son! Was it you in that TV ad?
Shall we dance?
No thanks. Have you seen Tivadar?
He isn't here. I've heard he moved into the old actors' home.
Those above don't look kindly upon this. This nakedness.
Come, visit me.
I hold confession daily from 2 to 4.
- It's not your fault. - The hell it isn't.
And now every idiot at the theatre makes a pass at me.
And which one did you pick?
The one that wanted to lick my shoes.
Careful, honey.
- Come, I'll take you home. - I don't want to go home.
- You've had too much to drink. - I want to party.
- What's going on between you and Szatmári? - Nothing, I told you.
- He's been staring at you all night. - That's his problem.
If you pass on him I'll make my move before that bitch gets there first.
Want a little wine?
What's this?
I tried to cover it with a chair but it didn't match my shirt.
What's going on between you and Péter?
So, you've noticed me. I thought Saci's breasts blocked the view.
Or aren't they big enough?
- Are you jealous? - Jealous?
Anybody who goes to the gym eight times a week
and can walk in those heels deserves my respect.
You're jealous.
We are stuck.
We'd better stop.
I agree.
Alright. What's today's date?
- What are you? Pope Gregory? - No, I just...
I'm crazy about you... Saci, ... Dóra...
That's not what I meant to say.
You mentioned Saci's name a minute ago and that's why I...
I didn't... I don't love Saci I love you, I just...
Go ahead, just leave!
In 30 years, pushing a walker, remember if you did the right thing.
- Gotcha! - Yeah.
- Am I disturbing? - No, come on in.
- I was worried when you ran out. - It was a shitty party, wasn't it?
You missed the best part.
Paskó had a fight with someone who sat on his wife by accident.
- Would you like something? Tea? - Thanks.
I've brought you a piece of the wedding cake.
It's supposed to help those who want children.
Help yourself, I'll be right back.
Ali, what are you doing here?
I know you said you don't want baby from Ali.
You didn't see Ali's erotic dance yet.
- Ali, I have a visitor. - The man who makes you baby?
No.
Another one. I'm sorry I must go.
- Once you want Ali, then you don't. - I'm sorry.
Ali said before. Lady don't peek.
Lady pay or close her eyes.
What are you doing?
I just wanted to pour some tea and the handle broke.
and I found this...
I didn't mean to muck it up.
Sorry, I'll throw out the stupid pot.
Right now I'd rather be dead.
- Sorry. Let me help you. - I'm fine, I can't fall any further.
Sit on the sofa and don't touch anything.
I'll bring a fork for the cake.
What are you doing here?
- Did we have sex? - You were sensational.
Did I throw up on you?
I've got good reflexes.
No, we didn't have sex. I would remember you.
Go to sleep or you'll feel like shit tomorrow.
Don't you want to take advantage of me?
You don't like me, do you?
- You are beautiful. - I know.
But you're in love with Dóra.
- Nonsense. - I agree, but it's still true.
Who told you that?
My age and my experience.
She doesn't need a boyfriend, just a sperm donor.
She wants to get knocked up and then ditch the guy.
What?!
I'm telling you. She wants a child for herself.
- Shall we dance? - I never do.
- Do you think I don't know how? - I think I don't know.
Everybody can. As my father used to say, all you need is
two left feet and the tuition. He was a dance teacher.
Have you noticed that my elbow and waist are at a 45 degree angle
- when I eat? - What is it for?
No idea. It's uncomfortable and I always spill something on myself.
How about your parents?
Anybody on the horizon?
Not that we want to put pressure on you, darling.
You have a lot of time.
You can wait with the children after all.
- Let's forget about it. - Come.
Let's dance.
You can step on my toes.
One-two-three...
one-two-three...
I am sorry.
It was just a bit unexpected.
And if I ask permission next time?
It is too complicated.
Alright.
Are you going to call me?
I'll call you.
You?
Is it true that all you want is to get pregnant?
- What? - You only want to get pregnant.
True or false?
It's not that simple.
I can't fucking believe it!
- You wouldn't understand. - Are you playing games with me?
I'm not playing games.
Nothing outside the bed, just a kid! Are you nuts?
- How about you?! - Me?!
It wasn't me who screwed half the country!
Listen to her! So chaste all of a sudden!
What a fucking bitch you are!
Tamás! Tamás!
Farewell to our sister Dóra.
Let's hope her soul ascends to Heaven and she finds things to read.
She was the love of my life. Had she not wanted just my sperm,
I might have never taken the vow of celibacy.
She was killed by cowardice and chocolate,
let her rest in peace.
And now, let us listen to the Ave Maria in Dóra's performance.
Listen, Sárffy! Drag your ass to rehearsal,
I'm fucking mad at you. Full dress rehearsal is tomorrow.
I don't care if you are giving birth or whatever,
just get your ass in here. It's me, Paskó.
- I think it's him. - Yeah.
I'm sure that's him.
So cute.
Ask him!
Is it you in that TV commercial?
No.
Sure?
Sure.
I beg you to keep a vow of silence about this subject.
Good bye!
- Azolan! - Yes, my lord!
High school students.
- They neigh like cows. - Horses.
Same thing. Szatmári is totally out of it.
I'm leaving.
Where are you travelling, my lord?
Paris!
To Paris?
I know that you are going to Paris!
Yes, yes, Paris.
- So, get me my hat! - Hat?
- My hat and my gown! - The hat and the gown!
- My hat and my gown! - Yes, my lord!
Curtain! Curtain!
Shit, man! Shit!
Look who is here!
Call up Kerekes, tell him to start learning the lines.
I may have to replace Szatmári. Shut up!
I kick his fucking ass!
What the hell was that? You were better on the first read through.
You don't care? Learn your lines or I'll have you replaced.
Go ahead.
What is it? A chick, right?
Believe me, no woman is worth it.
Alright, maybe two together. If they're twins.
- And sixteen years old. - I'm not in love.
Yeah, sure. And I'm not a genius.
Alright, I'll take care of it.
What are you staring at? Get lost.
Come, baby, you were great.
Hi,
how are you?
Wait!
This will help you relax.
- Not now, thanks. - Okay.
Can I use your shower? There is no hot water in mine.
They're fixing the pipe.
Thanks.
Tomi, would you bring me the towel?
Finally!
- They told me you were here. - I was ill.
I've tried to call you. I was worried.
I know, I'm sorry.
We should talk.
Another time.
- It's important. - Not now.
Tamás?!
What are you doing here?
It's just...
That's not what I wanted.
Do you know what you want?
I should, shouldn't I?
You took a shower in your costume?
Aren't you hungry? Let's go to the cafeteria. I'm starving.
- Don't you turn it off? - The tap is broken, it'll stop by itself.
Tomi, are you coming?
Who is that?
The plumber... a woman. The plumber woman is inside.
Tomi, I'm freezing...
We broke up, right?
I don't want to beat around the bush. Tamás told me about this child thing.
I'm sorry.
I want one, too. With you.
I know it's kind of sudden. I'm going to Canada
after the premiere for two months.
- You can't possibly want me. - Why not?
You're beautiful, bright,
although you could use a few dance lessons.
Don't tell me you love me.
I know what's wrong.
You're afraid you're going to fall in love then lose again.
Same here. But things change.
- I don't need a father. - How do you want to raise a child alone?
That's my problem.
Think about it.
You can rely on me, I can teach the kid to play soccer.
I can use my two left feet.
But, how do you mean to do it?
I could marry you.
I think we would get along well.
Very well.
I don't know what to say.
Say yes.
I can't believe this. I just can't believe that you love him.
- This is not about romantic love. - And how about Szatmári?
- He'll be fine with ten other women. - You're so stupid!
I'll have a child with a good father who won't let me down.
- You said you didn't want a father. - Not someone like Szatmári.
- You think you'll be happy? - At least I won't get an ulcer.
- What do you think? - This is not that kind of wedding.
- No big deal. - You can't miss this opportunity.
- Sorry, I got held up... Sárffy! - Hi.
- Is this the girlfriend who is getting married? - Yes.
- Could you show her something sexy? - Sure. How are the kids doing?
Fine. All six of them. Five...
- I see. I'll show you a few pieces. - Never mind.
Makai is here!
- I saw him. I'm sure it's him! - Relax, forget about him now!
The bastard.
- He wanted me to beg him. - Did you beg him?
Do I look beautiful?
I'm so damn tired.
Relax, Sárffy!
Why does the thought alarm you? Alarm...
Why does it alarm you?
I know I've made a fatal mistake...
and you'll never forgive me.
Listen to me!
I love you,
you cannot imagine how much.
I want you to be happy,
very happy.
Don't!
Why does the thought alarm you that I could make you happy?
You were great.
You were divine! I knew it! We'll get smashed after this.
- Congratulations. - Thank you.
- How was I? - Pretty good.
Szatmári totally upstaged me.
I don't know, I've been nervous all week.
Makai is here. I know he'll come back crawling.
- Hi... Look who's here! - Hi. Everything okay?
- I'm sorry, sir. - Good evening.
You're amazing!
Listen, honey.
You were simply fantastic. You were the best.
I can put you on the cover of any magazine.
What's this bullshit about your leaving?
It's true. Tomorrow morning. For two months.
We'll do Othello in September. Who'll tell us what it's about?
- You don't need me, genius. - True.
You have to marry this nerdy musician of all people.
- Aren't you sleeping with Szatmári? - Even you don't know everything.
- Silly girl. - Wicked bear.
- Did you see Zsófi? - No, I didn't.
Excuse me. You'll drink this, then...
- Margit, can I talk to you? - Sure.
Hello.
First of all, I want to apologize. I was such a jerk.
You're kind, but this is a longer story.
- Not your fault. - Nothing at all has happened.
We've made up.
- Really?! - Thirty years is thirty years. You'll see.
- Shall we leave, honey? - I'm ready.
- Goodbye, Dórika. - Take care.
No kissing.
- Shall we leave? - I want to say goodbye to Zsófi.
Alright, I'll wait outside.
Goddamn piece of shit!
Whoever invented this shit should drop dead!
That was very impressive, bravo.
Jesus! I thought I was by myself.
Did you see Zsófi?
I've been trying to call her but this piece of junk died on me.
I won't return your call.
Someone should film my life story.
And thanks to all the guys and other bacteria for their contribution.
My God!
Zsófi!
Wait, I have the key.
I haven't even congratulated you.
- You were very good. - Thanks.
You don't have to go back to Debrecen.
The director's wife will be disappointed.
I don't think so. She's the one who got me fired.
Are you serious?
Women can get crazy if you screw them and even crazier if you don't.
What a jerk.
No, the jerks were those who believed her.
You can go in. She came to but she needs rest.
- Are you going to wait for me? - Go ahead.
Did you tell them to shove this big pipe down my throat?
You're such a pinhead.
I'm sorry.
Why did you do it?
I was the star of my high school.
Everyone wanted to bed me.
- And most of them did. - You can have anyone you want.
- It's not the same. - You're stupid. You are 34 years old.
33 and a half.
And I live alone with my vibrator.
For the time being.
I cannot even kill myself.
Do you want me to stay?
Just leave.
At least you have something going... sort of.
Since you're leaving, can I use your place for a while?
I don't want all the journalists breaking down my door.
Sure.
Take a rest now.
- You? - How is she?
- She will survive. - Thank God.
Tamás?
- Went home. - He said he'd wait for me.
Why should he?
Are you alright?
We'll have a cup of coffee at the airport.
We'll have to get the luggage. I don't want to miss the plane.
I'm not going.
You can come a couple of days later, once Zsófi feels better.
It's not about Zsófi.
What?
I'm not going at all.
I see... It might have worked.
But that's not enough.
I'm sorry.
Bye.
- Good morning. - Dalszínház Street, please.
- Are you in a hurry? - Terribly.
Trouble?
- I'm in love! - Trouble.
Shut her up!
Happiness, time to come home
It is late, time to come home
Where you come from, I don't care.
Come right home, that is all
- Are you coming downstairs? - No way.
Your choice.
Sweetie!
You can come up to me!
I know. A Jehova's witness.
- I'm calling the police. - I like it!
Finally! Give it to her!
- What are you doing? - I'm serenading you.
I may have to move.
You can always move in with me.
And Péter?
On his way to Canada.
And what if I replace you in two weeks?
You'll be sorry for the rest of your life.
Thanks.
Damn!
Sorry.
I always do this.
Look here. It's just like a tattoo.
What is this
There's cinnamon in it...
Cauliflower in yoghurt...
This is like beef stew, delicious.
Tzatziki in yoghurt and...
Eggplant... yoghurt... zucchini...
Get me Szatmáry... shit... Markovits...
Take it... You take it...
This rushing...
Why? My opinion doesn't... isn't holy...
You'll be the first one I'll lust after. Your tattooed butt...
- Stop it... - Sweetie.
You are the sweetie. And your mom...
My mom is called sweetie!
Since that ad came out, everyone's been joking about my butt.
I can't date women any more.
Aren't we driving damn slowly? Even the bicycles ride faster.
- Isn't this weird? - Let's follow him...
Just sex and everything else?... I mean...
You cannot imagine how much...
I want you to be happy...
I meant to say: Dóra I love you... I don't love you, Saci...
I mean... I never loved Saci, I have loved you...
Dóra...
I was going to say,
that I don't love Saci, and not because I loved her...
Come right home, that's all
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